the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
