You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
