it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
