No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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