so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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