isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
