it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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