Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
