Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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