you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
