The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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