my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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