Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
