His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
