Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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