went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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