Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
