last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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