Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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