Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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