Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
