my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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