Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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