yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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