You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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