let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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