I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
