I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize