Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
