I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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