I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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