Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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