I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
