Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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