Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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