i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
