he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
