Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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