cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
