i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
