Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
