I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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