It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
