fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
