i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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