I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
