the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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