So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
