Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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