I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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