and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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