it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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