Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
