She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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