I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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