My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
