someone owes me an orgasm
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
