Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
