The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
