This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
