dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No more Irish car bombs ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize