i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
