so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
