Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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