Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
