Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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