Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
