Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
