Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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