Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
