A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
