So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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