____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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