AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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