i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
