I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
