Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
